A reform state in the middle of Europe‘s East. Out of boredom with traditional politics, they have been done away with and replaced by… The Management. It soon becomes clear, however, that this new concept has ruined the country‘s international standing. The regions, hit hard by an oil embargo and a ban on tourism that brings in foreigners, are restive. The ghost of secession is wafting through the land. . .

Scene 1. Night club „Paradise Garden Bar“.

Josef (a black) and Sieglinde (blonde) are rehearsing a porno number: „Rape of Desdemona“. Josef cannot concentrate: tonight he must perform three times! All foreign girls have been deported - so only he and the hooker Sieglinde are left to perform.

Stormy entrance of Schatzl, a former governement bureaucrat, who is trying to escape arrest by the White Berets (elite Management paratroopers), led by Tomichich. Schatzl has been threatened with arrest just for taking part in a socialist protest demo – and cries “We resisted.” (an allusion to the futile candlelight protests and other peaceful marches that have failed to prevent war or conflict in Europe and elsewhere in recent years).

Photo "Weisse Barette"

Suddenly, Sachenberger, Number 2 in the Management, comes in. He stops the brutal arrest of Schatzl and instead kidnaps Sieglinde, who takes a last, loving look at Josef – and is gone.

Song, by Kimberly, the black owner of the bar, as she cleans the floor and laments the departure of cheap foreign labor from other parts of Eastern Europe, or Africa and Asia:

Photo “Kimberley”

No more Dusica, Gradica
No more Milena, Jelena
(typical names of the Yugoslav cleaning ladies in Vienna)

No more Imelda, Rosaria,
Ines, Teresita,
Adios, Violetta,
Malaria and Concepcion
(typical names of Latin-American hookers in Vienna)

Only Sepps and Depps
(German nickname for the stupid)
Only Christls and Gretels
- and even those have to be begged for! -
Only Josef and Kimberly
who now have to work five times harder.

Scene 2.

Sieglinde believes she has been taken away because she was hired to perform a sexual role play „The Wedding“ for the Rich and Powerful. Her only line: „Yeah“. Sachenberger encourages her to say this in the manner of the dialect of the province of Quarantania: „Youuuuu!“. (Quarantania is a parody on Kärnten, the Austrian province where Haider has his power base).

Photo “SechenSieglinde

A shlocky TV presentation of Big Event - A Dream Wedding.
The propagandistic TV Evening News is presented by Mostbauer, Number 3 in the Management: „Yet another big step is made in the only right direction, the only one that exists!“ He then adlibs a very funny improvization. (The video accompanying this sequence uses real footage of a Haider political ad, never publicized because of its poor quality and the inconvenient fact that Haider produced its 100,000 copies in Hong Kong).

What Sieglinde thinks is a play is for real: she is now the First Lady, the wife of the powerful Dr. Jockel, the First Manager of the Liga Ost (allusion to the Northern League in Italy)!!!

Photo “Wedding”

Scene 3.

Headquarters of The Management, again a kind of TV studio.

Mostbauer and Sachenberger are trying hard to get recognition for the Management and a State Visit from ANYWHERE, calling all the Embasies listed in the telephone directory, offering Mozart manuscripts, state treasures, tenured posts at universities, anything .. (This is an allusion to the Waldheim era, when Austria was internationally isolated and visited almost only by African dictators). Most of the telephone lines turn out to be dead. This is the work of ... Tomichich!!! and his White Berets, who with a tank brigade have burned down half of the Embassy District, incl. the US Embassy.

The last chance for the state visit is Mimbamwe Rutalinda IV, the President of Kiryawanda and Kurundi , and a former schoolmate of Sachenberger. He‘ll come for sure! But a CNN report questions that: there‘s unrest in Kiryawanda ... Sachenberger‘s position as Number 2 is in danger.

Song-Duo: (Sachenberger and Mostbauer)

We‘ve made a mistake or two
We were a bit to fast and too tough with the new laws
We‘ve been trying instead of learning
‚ Cause the time was so hectic!
Every day - a new package of laws...
nicely packed and sent...

Photo "Mistakes"

We made two mistakes ... or may be three
But we felt so free!

Perhaps, we should have been more careful
Internationally and regionally.
But the task was so hard to manage...

We’ve pulled out of organizations here and there
So the cash flow is zero...

So now we‘ve no currency, no tourism, no banking; the prices are rising, the regions are boiling; of course Quarantania again and again is the PAIN!

We‘ve made three mistakes - or may be four!
But this is not our beer! We spit on‘t!!

Unable to tell Number One the truth, they must find in THREE minutes a new international concept – what do they need? Recogition, more attention, more light... Gotcha!-- Light! Sun! - Many suns! But how many? – One Thousand!! 1,000 Suns! They‘ll cover the whole Liga with solariums, everybody will get brown, multimedia, lasershow, money will materialize from light!

Dr. Jockel is desperate: „THEY want to erase us from the world map! That‘s genocide - on paper!“

Photo “Three Managers"

Sachenberger, skilfully negotiating the waves of anger of his boss, presents the new plan.
Even though Mostbauer tries his best to put Sachenberger down, Dr. Jockel loves the concept of Light. Electricity will be free! Free light! And the famous African comes to open the biggest solarium in the world - „Thousand Suns“. What P.R.!!!

Photo “Dr. Jockel”

Sachenberger saved his skin, he remains Number 2. Temporarily.

Next scene. Song: Sieglinde (a parody on German Romanticism).

She doesn‘t care about her high ratings in opinion polls, about the kindergartens and psychiatric hospitals she must visit as First Lady (where the patients will play for her a drama from the Time of the Fight, written by Tomichich. She thinks only of Josef.

But her schedule is dramatically changed -- a Press Conference! A presentation of 1000 Suns!

And now Mostbauer suddenly triumphs over his rival Sachenberger: CNN reports that Mimbamwe WON‘T come, because he has been shot by his own people.

Scene 5 „Press Conference“.

(The style of the scene is a mixture of politics, commercials and cheerleaders. Haider is always proud of his US contacts. The scene is written in hexameter, which makes it sound especially foolish)

Photo “Pressconference”

Dr. Jockel announces the State Visit from Kiriavanda Kurundi. 1000 Suns! Light will be free!
BUT: there is that small but influential group that turns the world against the Liga! (For instance, Jews and other liberals) Swines! And all because of these or those human or civic rights...
This small small but influential group blocks the cash flow! So good citizens are summoned to sign coupons and invest in Light!

Tom Mintier for CNN: „Are the deportations over?“
Dr. Jockel: „That is typical! Deportations! No! That‘s so typical of the vocabulary of this small but influential group.
Because we don‘t pay into the Foundations so the others have a good time, the World Bank, the United Monetary Funds of Evil Tongues! Let‘s put it straight - WE make our economy here OURSELVES!

Now back to your question. No deportations - just the normal expulsion orders - as in every other Liga.

Tom Mintier: Normal? Half a million people simply thrown out of the country?

DR. Jockel: What do the numbers matter, when it is all about the individual. An individual - that‘s what we care for, with his fears, troubles, needs ...

T.Mintier: And the fire in the Embassy District? Can you give us a death toll?

Dr. Jockel: The fire...the dead... WE don‘t have any information on that!

(The Management gets together like a football team. We can hear them going on the rampage for foreigners and other opponents)

Dr. Jockel (to Tom Mintier): Just a normal search for the persons without permissions... Accidentally in the Embassy District. A mistake of a colleague who overdid things a little and will be suspended, degraded and removed IMMEDIATELY!

Mostbauer becomes Number 2. Tom Mintier is carried out of the hall by cheering White Berets.

Song. The State Anthem of the Liga Ost.

listen to the song "Security through purity" (mp3, 1.72M)

Security through purity
Brings us a sense of surety!
Through purity, security:
A sign of our maturity.

Photo “Sicherheit 1”

We watch our borders day and night,
If fight we must then we shall fight!
For we are right (extremely right)
To banish immigration’s blight.

Photo “Sicherheit 2”

Security through purity—
Through all eternity!

No alien peoples on our shore
For those not like us we deplore.
All foreigners must keep their place:
Away from us, the master race.

So fight on—never mind the cost—
To keep a pure-bred Liga Ost.
Security through purity—
Through all eternity!

(translated by David Kramer)

Photo “Sicherheit 3”

Act II

Paradise Garden Bar. Sachenberger offers Josef and Kimberly to ACT the parts of the President and the First Lady of Kiryavanda Kurundi. Kimberly negotiates (Duet) “A lot of nice things that can be turned into cash.“

Schatzl protests. „You cannot negotiate with those crooks . . We gave you OUR education, OUR culture, we civilized you! And all you want now is money and deals! This is a betrayal of your own skin color!“ Schatzl decides to fight the Liga... by writing a theater play. (an allusion to the ineffectual protest against Haider by Austrian intellectuals).

Meanwhile, Dr. Jockel and Mostbauer meet the leaders of the Quarantanian separatists ... in the sauna (like mafia bosses). A number in the tradition of Vienna cabaret

Photo“Sauna” Photo“Sauna End”

A big Finale I. The characters sing their dreams for the New Day (After the Sunrise). Schatzl decides to kill the Tyrant, Dr. Jockel.

Photo “Holari”

PART TWO.

Schatzl (like Iago in Shakespeare‘s „Othello“) is provoking Josef to murder Dr. Jockel (a crime of passion to regain Sieglinde).

Kimberly wants even more „nice things made of some precious metals“ in exchange for acting out the State Visit. Josef asks for just one thing: a dagger

photo “Murder”

But his jealousy evaporates when he meets Sieglinde, who arrives fresh from tiresome sexual practices with Dr. Jockel. Tango.

Schatzl then appeals to Tomichich, playing on his prolet-Aryan background and promising him the Number 2 position if together they will overthrow the Tyrant… But how? „With a little knowledge of electricity...“

Meanwhile the situation gets serious. Foreign fighter jets are buzzing low over the Liga, day and night people are demonstrating against the hated Management. Mostbauer is desperate, he almost gives up: „Will we ever become SOMEBODY in the world?“ Dr. Jockel reminds him of their struggles, their first victories in Quarantania, their motocross and mountain climbing (here comes a pretty exact listing of Haider‘s popular sport activities in the late 1980s), their march against the Establishment, against golf players and horse riders – their struggle for the LITTLE MAN!

Mostbauer is ready to betray the secret of the state visit. Dr. Jockel stops him: „The First Manager of the Liga shouldn‘t and mustn‘t know EVERYTHING. I rely entirely on my crisis managers, my spin doctors, my trouble shooters, Mostbauer and Sachenberger. Let‘s look to the Future. And what do I see? It‘s gonna be ALRIGHT. We will open today as if nothing is happening“.

(At the end of the scene they form a group, a parody on a Haider election poster)

photo “3 managers”

Finale. Both the state visit and the opening of „1000 Suns“ happen -- but only in the TV studio!

Photo “Kuss die Hand”

A “grandiose” spectacle in the style of Leni Riefenstahl’s films of Hitler’s rallies, accompanied by a majestic score. Right at the moment where 1,000 Suns are sending their blinding light to the audience

Photo “Tausend Sonnen”

… the power fails. In the darkness, Tomichich, dressed as Rambo, appears with the fully armed White Berets. A coup d’etat.

At the end, there is a mountain of bodies on stage. The only ones who survive, because they always do, are… Sachenberger and Mostbauer. They draw a red curtain over the scene of bodies, and decide, together, to become Number Ones FOREVER!!! And the socialist Schatzl joins them.

FINIS COMOEDIAE

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last updated January 14, 2006

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